Dear Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley Cyrus,

Hold on one second while I pull my jaw off the floor. I just finished watching your new music video "Can't be Tamed".

Ok. Better now. I proceed.

First off : WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?!?!?!! Where are the adult figures in your life who can tell you that you are dressed like a whore and dancing and gyrating your hips like a trained call girl? And you're HOW OLD? Seventeen years old. Barely seventeen years old. YOU ARE NOT EVEN LEGAL YET!!!! I get it....your no longer Hannah Montana and you want to shed your 'good girl image' and all that and let me shake your hand because you not only shed that image, you're so far from an innocent and fresh faced teenage girl and are now a bonafied ass shaking, clevage baring, dance lapping pretty woman/Julie Roberts type wannabe. You want to be taken seriously as an "older and more mature" person....so instead of showing off your clavicle and protruding hip bones, why don't you use your brain instead. Show me your talent. Do you forget that 8, 9, 10 year old, impressionable little girls are looking to you as their inspiration and hero? You say its not your job to raise the youth of today, but you don't have much of a choice in it. You have more influence over these young minds than their parents. They see you dressed up like some bird with wings and boots that shouldn't be worn unless you are over the age of 50, talking about breaking free and not being held captive...ummm sweetheart. You are 17....technically you have no rights. Your parents could and SHOULD tell you what you can and can not do and you have to do it because, again, YOU ARE SEVENTEEN!!! Why do you want to grow up so fast? Why do you want to be seen as some sex symbol rather than inspiration in some other form? What happened to integrity and common sense? Where are you going to go from here? My heart breaks watching you pretend to be someone older than you are. My heart breaks for the millions of little girls asking their moms for thigh high boots and low cut shirts. They want to be beautiful. They see you as beautiful. Take some responsibility in your position of being a public figure and do something positive. Be someone positive. Dress like a whore later when you have been devirginized for more than 5 years. And please God tell me you are still a virigin, please. I don't know though...your parents don't seem to care much about what you do. Be patient. Take your time. Learn another language. Read a book. Go to college. Just please...please stop cheapening yourself to nothing more than some undressed, overpriveldged, doesn't know what the hell she is talking about whore. Because you aren't a whore.

PS--Christina Aguerla....ummm....yeah. I know you're older and such. But wow....your newest music video....wow. I think music videos should now be rated like TV shows. Because yours deserves to be on some playboy music video channel and not on a classic like VH-1 playing next to sweet little innocent Justin Beiber. (but lets face it...his sex tape is in the works and should make an appearance in like 5-8 years.)

That is all for now.

The High Dive

I think I was probably 5....6 years old when I encountered the high dive. To me, it seemed to look ten stories into the sky. In fact, I think the air was thinner up there. I would go to the local pool and jump off the rinky dink diving board and look over at the highdive board and wish so much I had the guts to jump off. I would start out in line only to chicken out and leave for the baby board. I was frustrated with myself and call myself all sorts of cowardly names. Good lord the pressure on put on poor little me was a tad uncalled for but back then it was life or death. I HAD to jump. I had to do it. My little heart pounding I took to that line like I was David facing down Golith. I slowly climbed those steps. It might as well have been Mt. Everst the way I built it up in my head. I was breathing heavy, telling myself to jump. Just do it! Just do it! Everyone is watching. Don't be such a baby. You aren't going to die. I walked the plank/board to my doom. My little size 7 feet peeking over the corner of the board. The water below twinkled blue. Somewhere in the distance a coyote howled. That day was my first official panic attack. I couldn't breath. I couldn't do this. I couldn't jump off this board. Why was I up here? How did I get here? Get me down! Mommy! I looked behind me and saw the next person in line waiting to jump. I didn't want to appear to be a chicken so I looked back over the edge and took a deep breath and closed me eyes and......and.......I fell. I fell for what seemed like hours. I fell with no grace whatsoever. I hit that water like a brick. Holy crap did it hurt. I thought I had broken my head it hurt so bad. But I did it. I JUMPED! I took the plunge. I crained my head back in the deep end of the ocean and looked up at my mountain. I had done it. I jumped. Did I jump again? Umm...no. Tramatic enough for one day. But I did it again the next time with less fear until I was doing back flips off that high dive. Driving by that pool now on Tuttle I look at the "mountain" that I had so built up in my head. I think it's five feet. Its not even a high dive. But to my 6 year old mind, it was 30 feet in the air. All that freaking out over 5 feet. 5 feet....30 feet.....I jumped. I jumped into my fear and came out a champion. A wounded champion at that.

So.....here I stand. My toes creeping over the edge of my high dive. It seems endless, this jump. I seem so high off the ground. I've been standing here for years it seems. Decades and then some. I've seen this view for far too long. Its time to the plunge. It's time to let go. Am I brave enough to fall without grace into a place I've never been? What if it hurts? What if breaks me? How will I ever know without jumping? Its time to jump Becky. Jump. Do it. Let go. And when you do fall into your next life, you'll look up at this mountain and see that is was nothing more than a stepping stone....a small step into something so much more spectacular. All that freaking out over nothing. Because that is what this is.....this is nothing.

don't let nothing win.

This is my thank you to you few

Very few people chose to enter the narrow path that leads to Becky. It's a scary road. A dark road. Many false entrances and many exits. Hidden pathways and scary noises. Often times there are detour signs leading the way back to where you came in. And when you finally do approach "Becky" often times there is a "No Vacancy" sign. There are a few have still chose to enter in, reguardless of my protests and my cold shoulder. These few people have burrowed deep into my chest and there they will forever remain. These few soliders have endured my breakdowns....my hermit like existence. They've seen me in times where I didn't even like to see myself. They've dealt with my silence with patience and always welcomed me home with arms wide enough for me to fall into. They've loved me back into reality and always defended my honor against myself. They've chosen to love the one who has resisted their love and who have recieved nothing in return. To these few people I say "Thank you". To these few I say "I'm sorry for falling short on my part." To these few people I say "I love you deeper than I could ever express or want to say".

To my mother....my true north.

My husband....my peace.

To my beloved Laney....my constant.

To these few people I say "I will let you down again. I will fall. I will turn away in hurt. Forgive me now for those times." To these few people I say you have walked by me through the hardest and deepest parts of me and never wavered. I may have felt alone but I've never been alone. I may have looked around seen only my shadow but that's because you were my light. I may have hurt you in the process through it all but you have hidden your pain for my healing. I am not worthy of you or what you offer to me daily. Words can't possibly be enough to say what it is my heart feels for you. But please know that what I feel for you has no explanations. There are no reasons nor boundaries. You have proven yourself time and time again. I hope to be your safe place to fall when life is pulling you down. I may be small in stature but my inner strength could tear down the tigers in your life. I wont let you go. I need you too much. I love you too much. You are all my heart wishes and hopes for. You are beautiful beyond description and I'm truly blessed to have each of you in my heart and in my life.

To you few I say "Thank you....You are why I am here"