It's been a while

So sorry to keep you in suspense. You know where you think you have all the time in the world and you go to bed on a Monday and you wake up and its Sunday? Time flies. You always hear that as a wee lad/ladess but its not until you grow old and arthritic that you truly understand what that saying means.

Since our last meeting, I fled the state of Florida and found refuge in San Antonio Texas. I was there for approximatly 44 hours, give or take. Exhastion. Flying home from Texas I actually did not go to sleep-we got home at 1:00am and I went straight to work. Whilst driving my tired ass to the land of Sarasota Memorial, I had to ask myself: What the hell are you doing? Why are you doing this? GO TO BED!!!

I proceed. I could tell you all about how quaint and pretty Texas was. How amazing Center Stage BBQ was and that the size of the potatos were quadruple the size as the potatos here. But no. I will tell you about the flight to and from. Lets talk proper flying etiquette:

A) Smell good. Please. Spray a little perfume/cologne on either wrist or behind the ear-whatever. Please. I don't want to feel my previous meal lingering behind my dangling punching bag, dying to break free due to your stench. Its not too much to ask.

B) SHUT UP! Please. I don't want to talk to you. I have my earbuds in and listening to my amazing music or I may have my nose in a book finding out whether or not Elizabeth will end up with Mr Darcy-not to give any endings away BUT SHE DOES! *Swoon*. If any liquid is creeping its way out of the corner of my mouth and my eyes are closed, please don't take this as an inviation to converse with me about your present job or that you had killer chinese food at the new resturant that opened up in your town-I DO NOT CARE! I don't care to talk to you when not on a plane-how much more hellacious is it for me to trapped next to you in a tin can flying thousands of miles off the ground and have nowhere to escape from you? Next time I'll wear a shirt that says "I don't pee in your swimming pool so please don't talk to me"

C) Please please PLEASE take a shadooby BEFORE you get on the plane. Have you seen the bathrooms on a plane? They are the size of my left nostrill. SMALL! And if you haven't followed step A you've already stunk up the small vestibule because of poor ventilation and no place for you odorous odor to escape to. Now-multiple the stench of yourself and multiple it by a million and that is the smell in which you leave us with when you poopey in the bathroom of our flying machine. Its just selfish. Not to mention VILE and DISGUSTING! I don't want to go into the bathroom after you and need to vomit as well as pee-what then? Do I vomit AFTER I pee? What if i can't control my throw up and need to throw up mid-pee and end up puking all over my brand new white Mossimo T-shirt?!?! How will I get that stain out?! So please. Take an extra ten minutes before bording and lose a couple pounds in the airport restrooms.

D) If your family/friends/boyfriend/girlfriend-whoever-is across the aisle from you and you feel the need to converse in a conversation about the new Nicholas Sparks book (who reads that crap!?!?! Never trust a Nicholas Sparks lover) then please...PLEASE...please do not proceed to yell at your partner in crime about how your thrown into depression because some character is tragically killed on their way to confess their undying love for someone. There's the cute little thing I did in second grade called note passing. I did it because we weren't allowed to talk in Mrs Peachy's room and dang it i wanted to ask the person if they liked Jason (check yes/no/maybe). It was risky to notepass. What if one got caught?!?! Then your secrets would become public knowledge and the whole class would know that you were in love with so and so. I had to be sneaky. I had to be daring. I felt like 99 in Get Smart. Quickly I would toss the note onto the desk of my neighbor. I would feel instant relief and a little bit of deviousness-haha Mrs Peachy. I passed a note without you knowing! So I say to you, fellow airplane traveler who talks loudly to the mother the next aisle over, please take out a peice of notebook paper and a thing we call a pen (no you can not download a pen on your Iphone) and write down your little tidbits of knowledge and then pass the note over. Simple. Easy. And no one got hurt. Lease of all my ears and nerves listening to your obnoxiously loud voice.

So....everyone got it? If you ever travel with me, please print this out as a reference and we should be good to go.

Sincerly,

Becky